super sanguine wants to talk

do you know how it feels to be a sanguine?
first thing first, let's see what sanguine personality type is:

Tipe Sanguin
Tipe Sanguin adalah tipe yang paling terbuka diantara semua tipe perangai. Bahkan tipe ini dapat disebut super terbuka. Orang Sanguin adalah orang yang suka berbicara mudah menyesuaikan diri ramah hangat dan penuh humor dan responsive. Tipe Sanguin tidak tahan melihat orang asing didepan mereka tanpa memberi tanggapan kepadanya. Orang Sanguin adalah orang yang suka bergaul dan spontan. Mereka jarang kuatir akan masa depan dan masa lalu, mereka menikmati lebih banyak kegembiraan dari hari-hari yang dilaluinya dibandingkan dengan tipe-tipe lainnya. Orang Sanguin biasanya bukan pemikir berat , mereka menafsirkan kejadian –kejadian yang ada dengan cepat. Kadang-kadang mereka mendapat kesulitan karena jarang mengantisipasi dari pilihan itu atau tindakan mereka. Perasaan mereka mempunyai peranan yang sangat dominan didalam segala sesuatu, sehingga mereka cenderung membuat keputusan-keputusan yang bersifat emosional. Belajar dari pengalaman, keputusan-keputusan yang bersifat emosional hampir selalu merupakan keputusan-keputusan yang buruk.
Sanguin adalah orang yang gembira, yang senang hatinya, mudah untuk membuat orang tertawa, dan bisa memberi semangat pada orang lain. Tapi kelemahannya adalah dia cenderung impulsive, yaitu orang yang bertindak sesuai emosi atau keinginannya.

sanguine people are happy persons. they always look happy, they cheer up everybody, they make everybody laugh, they seem like they don't have any troubles, they don't take any problems seriously, and they have a good sense of humor.

but have you ever thought that it is really the way how it looks?
i am a sanguine. for me, the most difficult thing to be a sanguine is when you feel sad.
when you tell others that you sad about something and then they laugh and think that you are kidding. the saddest thing is they are making fun of your sad part while your heart scream but you can't express it well. the sanguine don't tell their deepest feeling to anyone. you have to look at them in the eye very carefully to know what's in their heart.

sometimes, i really want them to put their feet in my shoes and ask them, "can you bear it the way i do?" i do sure that Charlie Chaplin ever cried when he lived in this world. so, what's so special about a sanguine being sad? when life seems unfair for us, may we cry? may we feel the way melancholic feel? or did we destine only for laugh?

sanguine is a human. our heart wasn't made of iron. we know what hurt is and we know what sad is. we don't need people to cheer us up, all we need is being listened. not just hear but listen.

if you read this blog and you feel like i wrote something sucks, it is. yeah, life sucks this time. it seems a little bit unfair for me but i have to make up my mind and give my best smile to everybody only for being a professional. this thing suffocates me so damn till i can't breath.

but, there's one thing i'm grateful for, i'm still able to feel. i felt like a zombie before, couldn't extremely feel something. i thought that my heart changed into an iron heart, kept building fences to everyone around till then i hurt.. a lot. is it good? nope, it is not actually. but, at least i feel like a human.

there are several things that confused me:

• i made a wish along with the promise with Him several years ago. and He granted my wish. but now, it doesn't run well. should i still believe that He will fulfill the promise?
• if He has another plan, why did He grant my wish?

plus, lately, i read a lot of articles which talked about hope. i didn't read it deliberately but those articles came to me and forced me to be read. as if God was trying to say something or it was just a coincidence? there's no such thing as coincidence, isn't there?

i know that God didn't put Himself on the cross just to make my life miserable. so, is there still a hope? or am i too naive to admit that i have lost?